Feeling Fixers

Using the Feeling Fixers:

Being human means that sometimes we will feel uncomfortable feelings. Whether feelings of anger, sadness or worry are fleeting or more longstanding, they are a fact of life. With practice, we can learn to use strategies to help manage these moments.  That’s where the Feeling Fixers come in!

When our students are experiencing an uncomfortable feeling, we often support them verbally, with phrases like “Remember, it’s just a game”, etc. However, this verbal support is often not processed, or can even lead to feelings getting bigger! Showing a visual support helps students internalize these resilience-building thoughts faster. You don’t need to read them, just hold them up. During activities when you think uncomfortable feelings might come up (e.g., playing a board or video game, doing homework) prop them up nearby so they are easily available. Share them with teachers, little league coaches, grandparents, babysitters, and more! Have them in your car, take them on vacation with you, or photograph them for super-fast access.

Over time, I often ask students if we still need them out – like when we are about to play a table top game. Students will tell you when they don’t need them (usually they are right, but not always – you may need to bring them back out at some point/task), and you will often hear them sub-vocalizing the fixers – saying them “under their breath.” That means they are internalizing them – great!

One last thing to remember. We want students to realize that EVERYONE has these moments, so remember to model using these yourself. Driving around like crazy trying to find a parking space with your kids in the car? Take a breath and say “Wow – just no spaces right now – that’s so frustrating, we are in a hurry! Well, it’s ok, I will find one soon.” Pointing out our frustrations, as well as modeling ways to make those uncomfortable feelings smaller helps our students feel that they are not alone in their discomforts. 

Feeling Fixers – general, supportive thoughts applicable to many situations

Game Playing Fixers – thoughts more specific to game playing situations

Stuck Fixers – thoughts to encourage flexibility

Encouragers – supportive thoughts to build resilience